No, Thank You: On Rejection

I have to say “no” a lot these days. I have twin toddlers. I’ve got a few different variations:

No!

No, thank you.

Stop.

Stop that!

Oh-my-goodness, would you please just stop! Please!

Reactions range from easy compliance to violent defiance. The most infuriating might be when one toddler looks at me, laughs in my face as though as I’ve just said the funniest joke EVER, and then her sister decides to do exactly what she just did that made Mommy be so, so funny. There’s whining. There’s screaming. There’s that special technique my dogs have also perfected: letting the whole body go slack while sobbing into the floor about the unfairness of life. I hear you, Baby. I get it. Well, the dogs don’t sob, but they definitely know how to do the first part.

The thing is, I’m never telling them “no” just for kicks and giggles. I’m almost always doing so to try to keep them safe. Toddlers are experts at hurting themselves. Twins don’t just get into trouble times two, they get into it squared. My noes truly come from a place of love. I tell them “no” because I’m looking out for their best interests. I tell them “no” because I want them to live for another day (at least) and grow up to have amazing lives!

But I get it. Nobody likes to hear “No.” It especially stings when the rejection comes after you’ve worked for something for a long time, with a lot of determination, and it’s been so hard. You feel like you’ve freaking earned this “Yes.” You are due a “Yes!”

My toddlers don’t understand right now why I have to tell them, “No, you cannot climb on top of that chair and hop onto the end table to dive toward the wires plugged into the outlet behind it!” When they are older, they will understand. I will tell them these stories, and it will make sense.

In the moment, I don’t always understand why I’m getting a “No.” In the eyes of the universe, I’m still just a toddler myself. Sometimes I DO get it. When my marathon got canceled at the end of March, after training all winter, I understood. There’s this little thing called a global pandemic going on, and maybe gathering a few thousand folks together to run through a downtown isn’t such a good idea. The cancellation was for the good of everyone involved. But I didn’t regret all my training. It wasn’t for naught. It kept me in shape all winter long, when it would have been easy to stay warm under the covers.

Other times, I just don’t get it. Whether it’s been a rejection for a project, a book, a job… even if I’ve worked so hard on it. Why? Why, universe? I let myself wallow a bit, but then I remember: I’m still just a toddler in the eyes of the universe. I might not understand now, but I have to believe that the “No” I’ve just received is for my own good. I’ll get to live another day (hopefully) and go on to have an amazing life – not in spite of, but because of the “No.”

Take the Noes in stride, and know that the right, enthusiastic “Yes,” is on its way.

Peaks and Valleys

I’m knee-deep into my marathon training for my winter marathon. Many days I wonder why the heck I thought a winter race was a good idea.

Often, in the midst of a long project, you can find yourself struggling, wondering why you agreed to this in the first place… Maybe you didn’t “agree” to it. Maybe inspiration struck and you decided to follow it. Maybe powers that be made a decision for you and you’re beginning the tough slough into something new.

Whatever the case may be, know this: good things are coming. I was reminded of this during my 18-miler (ouch!) this weekend. I decided to head up around a lake I hadn’t run to in over a year and I had forgotten how hilly the route was. The hills were brutal. BRUTAL. My knees are still feeling it today. But for every up-hill climb, you’re always rewarded with a down-hill stretch or a gorgeous view. If you’re lucky, you get both.

Sure enough, those up-hill climbs are tough. But that view, that relaxing reprieve that follows, always makes the work worth it.

If you’re stuck in some writer’s block, feeling discouraged in a project, or coming to grips with career changes, take a moment to think about the rewards that await you once you power on through.

I promise you, there’s something great on the other side.

A rewarding view after tackling one of many hills on a recent long run.

Closing Out 2019

As my present to you, dear readers and writers, please enjoy this downloadable Writer’s Year in Review. I’ve created this to be writer-specific, a tool to evaluate your writing progress, goals, and achievements in the last year. Please feel free to answer none or all of the questions. Share it. Use it as you see fit.

No matter how many words you got out, any year writing is a successful one! Here’s to more writing, more dream following, and more creative success.

Happy New Year!

Once again, you can download the free Year in Review for Writers here.

2019 Year in Review: Look around at how lucky we are to be alive WRITE now...

In earlier internet days, I used to do an annual year in review on my birthday. Since it’s my birthday week for the first time since launching Primarily Prose, I thought I’d dig out the old 40-question review and check in with myself. It’s always a great idea to check in with yourself to make sure you’re on target and still following the path you’re meant to be on! Without further ado… my Year in Review – December 2019! (stay tuned next week for a year in review you can use specifically geared toward writing projects!)

1. What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?
-I adopted our twin daughters!
-Actually finished the Corporate Challenge Half Marathon (previously my only DNF ever), while on maternity leave, no less!
-Launched Primarily Prose!
-Visited Costa Rica!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t so much have resolutions as hopes. So, yes, in terms of building our forever family and moving in the direction of my words for the year: bloom and grow. I still need to think on 2020, but I have a few plans already in place.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ummm, yes!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Old acquaintances, but no one super close this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
Costa Rica!

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
More sleep? A more peaceful world, for sure. More confidence.

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The birth of our daughters, the day our daughters were place in our arms, and the day our adoption was finalized are days that will always be celebrated. I’ll also always remember the day I pressed the launch button on Primarily Prose!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Becoming a mommy and president of my own company.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Holding on to some bitterness for too long.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not this year!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Lawyer and accountant services!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband and family for everything we accomplished together this year and all the people I know who have been working steadily toward their dreams!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Certain global political figures, for sure.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Our mortgage, legal fees, and taxes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Our forever family.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2019?
“My Shot,” from Hamilton.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier.
ii. Thinner or fatter? About the same.
iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer, but on the way back up!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sleeping and being grateful.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Complaining.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Cozy Christmas at home celebrating our daughters’ first Christmas.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
Annual gathering with friends…

22. Did you fall in love in 2019?
With life, with our daughters, and more with my husband every day.

23. How many one night stands?
ZERO

24. What were your favorite TV programs?
Jeopardy! – we are old fuddy duddies who record and watch every episode together.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is too strong a word.

26. What was the best book you read?
Oh goodness, it’s hard to choose just one. But if we don’t follow the rules of internet memes, then what chaos would that allow? So, rules being rules, to pick just one best book from the year… I’m going to go with Neil Patrick Harris’s memoir.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
We were late to the game, but I first listened to the Hamilton soundtrack while driving around Costa Rica with dear friends and it has become the soundtrack of my year.

28. What did you want and get?
My family.

29. What did you want and not get?
The Prague Marathon! But that’s okay. Raising newborn twins was a mighty fine trade off.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Did we make it to the movies this year? It’s so hard to leave the house for anything…

31. What did you do on your birthday?
We had a wonderful Karaoke party. I love my birthday gatherings because they are such a warm reminder of the community we have cultivated over the years.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having to worry about finances ever again.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
An interesting combination of business casual, running clothes, and pajamas.

34. What kept you sane?
Running, writing, my husband, our dogs, my faith, and my family.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don’t think I had a celebrity crush this year!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
No comment.

37. Who did you miss?
Friends and family who are no longer here or far away.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Two: our twins.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019.
Dreams come true. Everything that you’ve been through, everything that has happened, has you lead you right here.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now…”

Those First Few Precious Moments

Writer’s Digest recently re-ran an article that originally appeared in 1921 about the importance of a good, strong opening. While this piece is primarily about fiction, the advice is just as relevant to the opening lines of a query letter or book proposal today! Check it out, here: https://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/vintage-wd-opening-paragraph-the-first-hundred-words-are-the-hardest

The article references how often theatre critics will leave after the first act ready to write a review. Nowadays, I imagine the equivalent is how often I’ll exit a new show or movie on one of my streaming platforms just after a few minutes. If it can’t hold my attention, if it moves too slowly, or if it can’t make me care about what is happening in the first few moments, I will not waste my time committing to any more of it. *click*

The same holds true for query letters. When you’re receiving hundreds of letters a week (I believe we averaged around 300 unsolicited queries a week at the agency last time I counted), you better believe a great opener is one of the few things that prevents a query from being trashed. I know, I know, many queries get deleted or returned in their SASEs, too. But truthfully, if that first paragraph couldn’t get me to care enough to read the next few paragraphs, or better yet, get me to request a proposal or the first 50 pages of a manuscript to review, I didn’t waste my time on it.

There was no room for a MAYBE pile. It was always a clear YES or a clear NO. If it didn’t shout YES, then it was automatically a NO.

This is why a strong pitch, incorporated into your query and/or your proposal is so, so important. You need to be able to convey what’s so great about you, your story, and why anyone besides you should care. You can do this by creating intrigue. You can do this by appealing to the reader’s sense of self or sense of humanity. You can even do this by name-dropping. I fully admit to stopping anything I was doing when a CEO of a major company sent in a query to our slush pile wanting to write a business book.

The key is being able to take a step back from your work and honestly evaluate its strengths. Once you can identify those, you can create the perfect pitch, and the perfect opening lines.

When those first few moments turn out to be magic ones? Well, then look out! Because magic spreads like wildfire.

NaNoWriMo Finishers Celebrate!

Congratulations to all those who successfully completed NaNoWriMo!

For the uninitiated, NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month, takes place each November (originally begun in July 1999) inviting aspiring novelists to write 50,000 words in one month.

NaNoWrimo is a great way to get in the practice of writing every day. Even better, plenty of manuscripts that got their start during NaNoWriMo have gone on to become successfully published novels (see: https://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/7-nanowrimos-successful-books-article-1.2428103).

I can pretty confidently say that none of the books completed during NaNoWriMo went straight to successful publication without editing. A lot of folks who complete their novel in November, or even just get the first 50,000 words out of their heads and onto paper, often are left wonderfully exhausted. They’ve just completed a marathon at sprinting speed! It’s not a bad idea to take a step away, recover and refresh your brain, before diving back into the inevitable, now what?

Now what, indeed. If you’re dreaming of publication, you’ll want to scrub your baby and get it all clean and sparkly. What do you want to invest in getting it into “shoppable” state? Maybe you just want a set of fresh eyes to give you a consultation on the overall concept. Maybe you’re confident in the concept, and you want to go straight for a full-fledged developmental edit. You will want a partner, someone who is as excited about your novel as you are, someone who is ready and willing to live in your story’s world with you and work tirelessly to get everything just right. You need a Goldilocks.

Maybe you’ve used NaNoWriMo to do your own heavy editing, and now you just want to get the book OUT THERE. You’ll want a query letter that can reflect how amazing the story you’ve written is and how you were the perfect person to write it.

You’ve got your query letter and sales pitch, you’ve got your beautiful manuscript, now get out there and sell your goods!

Thankful

It’s that time of year when we reflect on all that we are thankful for.

I actually try to remind myself daily of all the amazing things that have come my way. When I think about my business and the opportunity I have to do what I do, I am absolutely blown away.

Of all the things that had to happen, every piece that fell into place… from my newspaper days, to my publishing house time, my agenting years, and the cross-country move to build Hallmark’s book business… everything has led me here.

I get to pursue my dream of helping writers and publishers fulfill their dreams. I couldn’t be more grateful to do what I do.

Thank you to my clients, my referrals, and colleagues old and new.

Now go get ready to go run a Thanksgiving Day 5k and eat some pie!

Everything is copy.

Everything is copy.

I recently watched the documentary titled for Nora Ephron’s well-known motto, “Everything is copy.” The film was directed by her son, Jacob Bernstein. Jacob’s father is the famous Carl Bernstein, arguably best known for his partnership with Bob Woodward and their investigative journalism surrounding the Watergate scandal.

Jacob clearly was raised by people well-steeped in the craft of writing in multiple forms. But Nora’s phrase, “Everything is copy,” is one that many have adopted for their own writing. Whether as inspiration for characters or events in novels or directly in the creation of memoirs or personal essays, digging into one’s own experience can be like digging into a treasure trove. Nora was of the belief and practice that anything she experienced was fair game to show up in her writing – whether the experience was her own or something related to her by someone she knew.

 Whether you’re on a deadline or just fighting the dreaded writer’s block and need to get something, anything down on paper, take a look around you. Writer about what’s in your room. Write about what’s on your desk. Write about the coffee mug that still has some dregs left in the bottom. Think about a place you used to live and write about what you remember of it. Try to describe it physically, emotionally, through your senses. How big was it? What color? How did it smell? Did the wind regularly rattle the windows? Did the settling foundation creak and whine every night? Everything is copy. Everything is an opportunity to write.

Heck, what was the last documentary you saw. Write about that. Just write.

Hitting the Pavement and Crossing the Finish Line -- Launching into a New Project Part 3

You’ve committed to your plan and you’re ready to go. Now comes the hard work and the payoff.

Step Five: Hitting the Pavement

It is not uncommon to go too fast right out of the gate. I can tell myself over and over again before the race what my pace is supposed to be. My coach and I have carefully planned what pace is hard enough to meet my goals, but easy enough to sustain over the long haul. Because a marathon is a long haul. Of course I can run a 5k at a speedy and hard pace. Knowing my 5k pace tells me what my threshold is. But a marathon is 42k, that’s more than eight 5k races back-to-back. A marathon is an entirely different beast altogether. So I’ll start my race, inevitably get swept up in the excitement of the crowd and the energy of the new beginning… and run that first mile way too fast. I will curse at myself and my watch. After a few moments, I’ll stop beating myself up, then settle into my groove. It’s okay. I know I will always start too fast. My coach knows I will always start too fast. But we also know that I will slow it down when I need to, take it easy on the uphills, and let the downhills work for me. I won’t let my tank get too low, I’ll eat my fuel at the planned mileage markers, drink fluids at the expected intervals, and keep it going until I can see the finish line on the horizon. After 26 miles, with only 0.2 left to go, I visualize the gas left in my tank and decide to floor it until the gauge drops below empty. I’m going to leave it all out there on the course, finish strong, and know I gave it everything I had.

When it’s time to start really writing, the excitement can sometimes produce what I gently call verbal diarrhea, or as my old high school Modern European History teacher referred to as diarrhea of the pen. The hounds have been unleashed and all of the preparation feels like it is paying off in spades. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Letting those words fly from your fingertips to the page is a wonderfully freeing feeling. Just don’t get disappointed if, a few days or weeks later, you can’t possibly keep up your initial pace. Try to not be too surprised if some of that initial brain dump isn’t, shall we say, perfectly finessed. The first draft of anything is rarely perfect. But that is why we edit! So go ahead, get it all out there. Follow the schedule you’ve set for yourself, or that your editor has set for you. Turn in your first draft. Take a breather. Take a break. Reward yourself with a snack or an activity that has nothing to do with writing. Think about anything else while you wait for feedback. When feedback comes, review it, ask questions, debate solutions — collaborate! — and get back to it. Revise, revise, revise. Turn in draft two. Take a break. Get your feedback, make tweaks, go back and forth as many times as it takes until you and your editor feel great about it. Don’t leave anything behind, don’t leave any lingering questions. You’ve done it. You’ve created the best package you can.

Step Five: Crossing the Finish Line

This is what you’ve been waiting for! Inevitably, cameras are positioned at multiple angles to capture this momentous event. I try to make a point of looking up and not down at my watch. I thrust my arms up in exultation, followed immediately by reaching for the “Stop” button on my watch. I’m always thrilled to finish, but I’m even more excited to find out if I’ve met my time goals. I usually snap a selfie, but not until after I have the finisher’s medal around my neck! I send off my news to those I know who’ve been waiting to hear about how I’ve done, I upload my fresh photo to social media, refuel with at least a banana, and wander my way through the finish area to find my family and friends. I’m usually in pain, but I’m also already thinking about what my next race will be. My dad once said, “You’ll be talking about your marathon for far longer than it took you to actually run it.” He’s never been wrong about that.

When you’ve completed putting the finishing touches on your perfectly crafted prose package, it’s time to share it with the world! Sometimes this means querying all the agents you’ve identified as the best fit. Sometimes it means going straight to the publisher you know is ready and waiting for you. More often, it can mean uploading the files to your preferred method for self-publication. Celebrate getting your dream out of your head and out the door. Now it’s on the page, and now you can start dreaming about what comes next! When you sign with an agent, your agent will work to get your project in the hands of just the right acquisitions editor at just the right publishing house. It’s like matchmaking. Once the perfect match has been made, be ready to talk about your book, market your book, and share your book with as many people as possible. Hopefully, your book will live for far, far longer than it took you to write it!

And They're Off! -- Launching into a New Project Part 2

Okay, so you’ve already found a coach and assessed your status. Now what? It’s time to pull the trigger, make a commitment, and follow through!

Step Three: Pulling the Trigger on the Starting Pistol

I’m nothing if not consistent on following through on an analogy. Marathons have a few moments that are like pulling a trigger. There’s the moment when you decide, “Okay, I am going to officially register for this race and pay for it.” It would be reckless to sign up for a race without considering your finances. The most popular races tend to have a big price tag, and that hefty price tag usually translates into a loud, packed, party-like experience. I’ve only run three marathons. Each of them has been massive: The Marine Corps Marathon (which I ran exactly 8 years ago today), The Chicago Marathon, and The New York City Marathon. Tons of swag, lots of crowd support, and unbelievable sights made each of these races extra fun. I’d argue the expense was worth it. It also didn’t hurt knowing that I’d already paid for the race when I stared down my training schedule each week leading up to it. By paying for it up front, I was committing to it, to my training plan, to my coach, and to myself. This upcoming year, I’m leaning toward a smaller, more personal race. I had been considering another big one (The Los Angeles Marathon), but I have to be honest with myself about what I and my family can afford. Also? If something happens during my training that would cause me to cancel, I’m not losing as much money. So Wichita is looking mighty appealing. In any case, it’s time to pull the trigger and get to it. Because I really want to make it to that moment after the National Anthem is sung, all the runners are geared up and ready to go, and the starting pistol fires. Because the feeling of setting off on something you’ve spent months preparing for, having it come to fruition… well, it’s unrivaled.

Once you’ve assessed your writing situation, reviewed your plan, and chosen a coach, it’s decision time. Are you ready to commit to the work it will take to make your book come together? For fiction, that means writing the entire manuscript. You read that right. You have to write THE WHOLE THING before you can think about submitting it to agents or publishers. For nonfiction, that means writing a book proposal. Maybe you already have a ton of rough writing, but you need to now focus on shaping it into a presentable plan, outline it, and write a sample chapter. A good coach will review your plan of attack, make sense of what you’ve got, and get you on your way. Heavy lifting is involved for all parties. What you put into it, you get out of it. This is why it’s not only a commitment to your coach and your project, but also a commitment to yourself. Make sure you sign a contract for the work ahead, make sure it’s fair, and don’t be afraid to ask questions and weigh the value of the experience and expertise against the fees.

Step Four: The Training Miles

This is the work. My coach will send me my plan and check in weekly. In fact, he’s usually created the full schedule, but only sends it to me week-by-week so I don’t get overwhelmed at the whole thing. Doing it this way also gives us the flexibility to make adjustments as needed. I might get injured and need some rest days or more cross-training. An unexpected business trip might have me adjusting mileage goals. Generally, he’ll have me work on building up my base, doing speed work, mixing in easy runs, long runs, and tempo runs — but it’s not the same every time. I’ve been known to grumble and complain, but I always know my coach has my best interests in mind. I’ll peak in mileage a few weeks before race day, then taper to make sure my legs are fresh. My first goal is always to make it to marathon day healthy and able to run.

Tackling a book takes similar planning. Depending on where you are in your assessment, you may need to do a lot more base-building. Maybe you don’t know what to do with what you’ve got. Your coach may have to take a lot of your rough material and throw it out, just so you have the simplest, cleanest content to work with. Outline, outline, outline. Without a plan, things get too unwieldy. Go back and forth and work with each other. Let your coach direct you and make suggestions. Your coach will ask you for deliverables and input. Ask for feedback. Make your own suggestions. The goal here is to get your project into the best shape possible for submission. As Coach Casey would say, “Trust the process.”

Coming Next Week: Steps Five and Six to take you through the finish line!