I have to say “no” a lot these days. I have twin toddlers. I’ve got a few different variations:
No!
No, thank you.
Stop.
Stop that!
Oh-my-goodness, would you please just stop! Please!
Reactions range from easy compliance to violent defiance. The most infuriating might be when one toddler looks at me, laughs in my face as though as I’ve just said the funniest joke EVER, and then her sister decides to do exactly what she just did that made Mommy be so, so funny. There’s whining. There’s screaming. There’s that special technique my dogs have also perfected: letting the whole body go slack while sobbing into the floor about the unfairness of life. I hear you, Baby. I get it. Well, the dogs don’t sob, but they definitely know how to do the first part.
The thing is, I’m never telling them “no” just for kicks and giggles. I’m almost always doing so to try to keep them safe. Toddlers are experts at hurting themselves. Twins don’t just get into trouble times two, they get into it squared. My noes truly come from a place of love. I tell them “no” because I’m looking out for their best interests. I tell them “no” because I want them to live for another day (at least) and grow up to have amazing lives!
But I get it. Nobody likes to hear “No.” It especially stings when the rejection comes after you’ve worked for something for a long time, with a lot of determination, and it’s been so hard. You feel like you’ve freaking earned this “Yes.” You are due a “Yes!”
My toddlers don’t understand right now why I have to tell them, “No, you cannot climb on top of that chair and hop onto the end table to dive toward the wires plugged into the outlet behind it!” When they are older, they will understand. I will tell them these stories, and it will make sense.
In the moment, I don’t always understand why I’m getting a “No.” In the eyes of the universe, I’m still just a toddler myself. Sometimes I DO get it. When my marathon got canceled at the end of March, after training all winter, I understood. There’s this little thing called a global pandemic going on, and maybe gathering a few thousand folks together to run through a downtown isn’t such a good idea. The cancellation was for the good of everyone involved. But I didn’t regret all my training. It wasn’t for naught. It kept me in shape all winter long, when it would have been easy to stay warm under the covers.
Other times, I just don’t get it. Whether it’s been a rejection for a project, a book, a job… even if I’ve worked so hard on it. Why? Why, universe? I let myself wallow a bit, but then I remember: I’m still just a toddler in the eyes of the universe. I might not understand now, but I have to believe that the “No” I’ve just received is for my own good. I’ll get to live another day (hopefully) and go on to have an amazing life – not in spite of, but because of the “No.”
Take the Noes in stride, and know that the right, enthusiastic “Yes,” is on its way.